“Reintroducing Myself”…To Me Again

🤞Thank you for taking this "Journey" with me. The brain is a mystery. When you wake up from a coma and have no "memories"...all you can do is wink. "Once" for yes. "Two" for no. Its Alzheimers...yet in reverse. It does not matter your culture or religion when you can not speak. For once it is "just silence" you live in.

So these stories in my book will tell you two important things. The first 4 Chapters represent my "Attention Span" these days. The 5th Chapter represents my fingers and how I learn to "count again". This new life of having a Stroke teaches me daily "its not being brave until I am afraid" as I learned what concrete and grass feels like when I fall on them...again.

Learning from a different lense now what I thought was "true or false" is really..."gray". Prejudice knows no reason yet in my mind have been both "my Defense and Prosecutor attorneys". Having never been inside a jail cell literally...in my mind I am "locked up" seeking freedom yet "sentence was commuted" the day of the Stroke. Where all I had done in life disappeared because my mind was erased. So now this verse resonates..."The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life". It is from John 10:10 NLT.

For me Bible verses do matter if I can see them in action versus preaching to me. For I am an "infant in growns up body" taking a village to help raise me again in this "new world". Having "faith in you" was something you had to earn back then. Yet "He" saved my life while I slept on my bedroom floor as I watched from...a close distance. Deciding to send me back to this world when no medical intervention would save my life that day. 

My ex-girlfriend became my wife when she did not have to and is "head of the village" I reside in. I used to do more before this Stroke. Yet I am still "Mr James Thornton'' just "reclaim now". This "redemption" was paid in full a long time ago but I could not see it then.

Today my "imperfections and success" are on full display...for all to see. Me standing in front of you today is a "miracle" so focus on "my messages" and not the text. Editing with "your heart and mind" versus a pen. Reading my words with love and humility allows them to "breathe" in your soul. Use your "access" into my world of surviving a Stroke to see that fate can be cruel...if we allow it.

Whether a family member or caregivers or a just friend we are all "Survivors''. So lets not focus on our circumstance but rejoice about the "Life" we have today. Taking one step at a time in this "sea of information overload'' we swim in daily. But you can find your "North Star" also. It is your hands...just grasp it tightly and hold on. You see…delays in life do not mean you are "denied" so defy logic and listen to your heart.

As Stroke Survivors we have "retrain the Brain" in the following areas: 

- we 'mute' in the beginning of the illness.

- we can hear you from Day 1 but no one can hear "us".

- we have an attention span of between 0-30 minutes as the start building back up slowly over time.

- we have various forms of "asphisa" which means we learn everything over again from speaking to spelling and learning how to write...again.

- we try to regain all of our mental and cognitive capabilities.

- we have to remember what to do with all of our bodily functions also.

For me in addition:

- I talk with a "stutter now" but it is better than being "silenced by others".

- my "ability to assume" has completely disappeared as a result of this Stroke so I ask questions now without judgement.

- my mind focuses on "one step... one door" at a time completing the task as best as I can before moving on.

As a result of a Stroke we are still experiencing all the same things you do...just in different ways now. "Wins" are great to celebrate. Raising an arm or a foot higher than yesterday and learning how to speak and write...all are awesome. These "small things" that most consider routine is what I helped others to attain now. On days when I am "struggling"...I just have to think about somewhere out there is someone worse off than me.

You have a choice to make daily...to "Survive" or "Thrive". So welcome to my "New World" 😇