The Journey Back
"But as for me, God will redeem my life. He will snatch me from the power of the grave."
Psalms 49:15 NLT
Im watching on movie and this scene the pilot of the craft is all ALONE in his spaceship. He was sent up ALONE...as the Cosmonaut. Theres no one to talk to up there...it was the very first time. He only had "his thoughts" to keep him occupied.
For the first 3 months I couldnt speak a word to just uttering complete gibberish to those listening. They told me I had the "Mother Of All Strokes"... on a floor for 20+ hours before being found. And once found the doctors said it would be a "true miracle" if I woke up out of the coma. For they had done all they could...which was nothing. I had past their time limits by a lot of hours.
So there I lay in God's hands. There is no one else to talk...but him. But in my mind like a cosmonaut I was thinking all the time...if you let me get back I'll show you my change…"to others".
If you ever had a Stroke this will all sound familiar to you. Your mind is clear too... and you are "speaking on your head" but no one can hear. So this where "we" make our "CHOICE"...given up or fight like hell. Because to our loved ones and friends they can see only what in front of them. We are talking in our minds yet they "cant read our mind". They want us to talk and speak to them again. To let them know...how we are feeling. We are "SPEAKING" yet they cant "HEAR us".
Paying attention with impaired mind takes patience from me and you. Because you want from me information...but in "your time" not mine. So you give up. Im trying…focusing one thing. Post-stroke your focus narrowed down to single thing. All your sensory information is jumbled like a jigsaw puzzle...the pieces are there…just need to be put back.
My abilities track things whether "in space" or "inside my head"...change forever. From that hospital bed through to all the rehabilitation process...Im trying but it "comes back when it comes back". You in a hurry yet as a "Stroke Survivor" Is not a good match. The "hurried world of the rat race" doesnt help or interest me now. All because I was given something back…"LIFE".
You see we all have a disability...you just see mine...and see yours. So my takeaway from this experience is this..."its not about me" anymore and I need to share. Share my stories to helping others to see whats inside of me and them...is the same. My life now is enjoying watching others "blossom into the beautiful flower that they are". Its that "Inner Beauty" we all should seek.
And now that God gave me a second chance as a Stroke Survivor...I now see and relish in this beautiful side of life. Because theres no barrier for loneliness any more. Its you and me now sharing to the end with "LOVE" for each other.